I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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