I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
