Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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