just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
My bed smells like the plague
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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