I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
