There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
