I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
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