It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
