Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
