I skipped work to stalk him.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize
