I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
