I want to have your abortion
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
