tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
