just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
