We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
