Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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