Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
