god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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