I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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