I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
