When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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