I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
