I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
