I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
