I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
