so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
