I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
How does one acquire holy water?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
