..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
