Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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