He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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