Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
