She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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