He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
