Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
