Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Randomize
