Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Randomize
