The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
