My boss' voice literally gives me gas
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Randomize
