A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
