dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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