i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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