Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
