I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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