when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
