The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
