She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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