One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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