White coat. Heels.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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