What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
