Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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