..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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