1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
