if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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