i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
